Thursday, May 25, 2006

Identity Theft Made Easy

Identity-Theft-Made-Easy-audio post - click to play

Warning this is satire and
not an endorsement

for identity thieves.

Why stick up banks, sell drugs, or
commit other crimes sure to
land you behind bars for lengthy
prison sentences; instead try
identity theft.

Here's why.

There exists a virtually limitless
supply of potential victims - in
the U.S. alone there has been over
80 million Americans who's data
has either been outright stolen,
lost, or breached by unauthorized
individuals in the past year and
a half covering 130 separate
incidents. And that's only the
ones that have been disclosed.

Don't worry about getting caught
or going to jail either. It seems
in most cases by the time the
victim figures out they've been
stung by identity theft, there
won't be anyone to around to arrest.

Plus, even with the rare chance
you happen to get caught by police,
who are simply too overwhelmed with
with investigating drug peddlers and
violent gang members and murderers
to have the time for identity theft,
you most likely recieve a minimal
amount of jail time (if not probation).

Rob a 7-11 store with a gun and only
get away with $50, you'll do 10 years
minimum in many states. Steal someone's
identity and commit credit fraud to
the amount of $2,500 or more and maybe
you may recieve a maximum of 2 years.

Do the math, your risk is lower and
the profit is much higher being an
identity thief than certainly a drug

Now that you see the easy money potential
to identity theft, here's how you can
easily commit this crime.

First, you get a job for some large company
or even a medical office. Any lower level
job will do, preferably a clerk in billing
or human resources - you know the kind of
jobs which promise long hours of menial
tasks - for a minimum wage.

But, then there is the upside to what on
the surface may seem like a dead end job
for a large company - which will most likely
lay you off the first opportunity arises
to replace you with a cheaper hire or with
another wonder computer. You see the real
upside potential for you lies in all that
personal data you have access to.

The kind of personal data that's highly
confidential such as social security numbers
(ssn), date of birth, full legal name, &
mother's maiden name. You know, all the
kind of highly sought after personal data
that your friend of a friend will gladly
pay you up to anywhere from $25
to $100
per person to steal from.

All you have to do to realize your big
payday (and not from actually working for it)
is to do any of the following to liberate that
data from your employer's premises:

Print the detailed employee list and simply
throw it in the trash scheduled to go into
the dumpster that night.

Show your boss what a hard worker you are by
taking a laptop home with all that unencrypted
data (including social security numbers) but
make sure to call your criminal friends ahead
of time so that you can conveniently arrange
to have the laptop "lost" or "stolen" from
your car or home by a "random" act of theft.

Don't worry about getting caught, unlike robbing
a bank or that 7-11 store, there most likely are
no surveillance cameras around to capture your
act of identity theft. Plus, if your company
ever does figure out (likely months later) it
was you, they will cover up the act completely
or delay for weeks releasing any victim warnings
for fear of public embarassment and potential
class action law suits.

Congress, even helps your company cover it up
as they have not acted in the past year with
any national law requiring companies to issue
timely disclosures of security breaches being
mandatory. Understand, your Congressman is
far too busy soliciting campaign contributions
and all expense paid golf junkets from those
same large companies who want to continue to
keep consumers utterly in the dark about just
how lax their personal data security has been
for years.

And you, as the would be identity thief, finally
do not need to worry about those victims you've
stolen their identity from. Until recently, most
identity theft victims did not know their rights
to get a free credit report each year or where to
check out their public records for any of the
tell-tale signs you've committed identity theft
against them.

So, go ahead steal those identities.

It's so easy...practically anyone can do it...and

Priests, ex-cops, teenagers, mothers, and more
already have!


At 2:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know this would be really funny if it was all just made up, but I can see from reading through the various articles and listening to the audio podcasts you folks have published this story is very real and very frightening to know it can happen again.


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